On faith, and not worrying

Why faith? Because, when you hit rock bottom, faith is all you have left. You just have to trust that He will not forsake one of His own, that because He loves you, He will take care of you, and He will provide for you. He will never give you more than you can bear, and He has a reason for everything. It is all part of His plan for fulfilling His purpose in your life. And His Grace will always be sufficient for you. Just trust in Him, and surrender to Him.

This isn't easy. Faith and surrender do not come easily to me. I'm a person who doesn't like the unknown. I fear the unknown. I don't like not knowing how I will be surviving financially, what the next day will bring, new situations, etc. I sometimes crave for a change in my life, but generally, I like having my daily routines. 

I'm also a stubborn girl. I don't like asking for help. Even when going out with my friends, it galls me to have to ask for a ride home because I don't drive. It makes me feel bad, like I'm imposing on them, especially if it is out of the way, or I know it will take them longer to get home because they have to send me. An ex-colleague once commented that I was too stubborn to ask for help. I had no reply to that, because I knew she was right. I never ask for help if I can help it. I've always prided myself on being self-reliant.  I'm afraid to rely on anyone - emotionally, mentally, physically, financially - because I'm too afraid that one day, it will be gone. That it won't last. That I will just end up being hurt.

This fear of trusting anyone has gotten to a point where I am sometimes afraid to trust in God. I am afraid that one day, He, too will leave me. I am thankful for that small, still voice in my heart, the one that reminds me, with deep conviction, that God is real. That He is ever faithful. That He will always look out for me and provide for me.

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
-Philippians 4:4-7

Therefore do not worry, about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
-Matthew 6:34

I'm learning to let go, and let God. I need to learn to trust. To surrender. To have faith.