Inadequate

Last night, I had this really bad feeling of inadequacy. That feeling where you look at someone who's your own age, or younger, and see that they are so much more successful, and you realize that you have nothing to show for yourself. No achievements at all.

I'm 22 now. People say I'm still young. True enough, but I won't be getting any younger. I remember that when I was in primary school, I was a good student, and many people had high hopes for me academically. But where am I now? I dropped out of college, and I'm still trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. My primary school classmates -who did not do as well as I did academically back then, are studying subjects like biotechnology, medicine, actuarial science, law, accounting, etc. Subjects that make my head spin. Have I lost my intellect over the years?

I feel like such a failure, seeing graduation pics on Facebook, hearing that others have good jobs that the seem to be happy in, having good relationships, happy families.

I always hated being compared to others when I was younger. I always believed, and still do, that each person is unique. If we keep comparing ourselves to others, we will never measure up. There will always be someone who is better, more successful, richer, prettier, more talented, etc. I grew up not measuring up. I always fell short. I was never smart enough, pretty enough, thin enough, tall enough, confident enough, compliant enough or ambitious enough.

I want to be accepted and loved for who I am. I want to be accepted and loved in spite of who I am. I just want to be happy.

I don't know what I want, so don't ask me
Cause I'm still trying to figure it out
Don't know what's down this road, I'm just walking
Trying to see through the rain coming down
Even though I'm not the only one
Who feels the way I do

I'm alone, on my own, and that's all I know
I'll be strong, I'll be wrong, oh but life goes on
I'm just a girl, trying to find a place in
This world
-A Place in This World, Taylor Swift