Confession..

I've never felt close to God.

Yeah, that's right. I've never felt like God was right next to me, or speaking to me. Some people may find this surprising. I grew up attending Sunday School and Children's Church. After a couple of year's hiatus during which my parents separated, we (mum, brother and I) started going back to church. I attended cell group, some youth services, some adult services, some prayer meetings, church camps, etc. Everyone around me seemed to have this very real connection with God. They would give testimonies saying what God had done in their lives. God has worked in my life. I can see that. But when others say that they have this really strong conviction that God spoke to them, or that they feel the presence of God - I wonder - is that true? Is it possible? Is it possible to have that very real connection with God? To speak to Him like a friend? I have never felt that.

I believe in God. I know that Christ gave up His life for me on the cross. I believe that, deep down in my heart. This belief, this faith, is something that I will never deny. I will always cling to this faith and the promises in Christ. But why can't I seem to feel closer to God?

The only time I seem to feel closer to God is through music. By listening to praise and worship songs. When I close my eyes, when I sing, those are the times when I feel that maybe, I could drift away and be close to God. 

I always feel weird when I pray. I'm not sure if God hears me. I'm not sure if He will answer me. It feels like there is this wall, this barrier, shutting me away from God, blocking me from Him.

How do I break out of this feeling? How can I feel close to God?