As only I can.

“The one thing that you have that nobody else has is you. Your voice, your mind, your story, your vision. So write and draw and build and play and dance and live as only you can.”
—Neil Gaiman

Here's to 2014. A new year, with new beginnings, new adventures, new lessons, and new experiences. I want to develop me. My voice, my mind, my story, my vision. My future. As only I can.

I’d like to repeat the advice that I gave you before, in that I think you really should make a radical change in your lifestyle and begin to boldly do things which you may previously never have thought of doing, or been too hesitant to attempt. So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.

If you want to get more out of life, Ron, you must lose your inclination for monotonous security and adopt a helter-skelter style of life that will at first appear to you to be crazy. But once you become accustomed to such a life you will see its full meaning and its incredible beauty. And so, Ron, in short, get out of Salton City and hit the Road. I guarantee you will be very glad you did. But I fear that you will ignore my advice. You think that I am stubborn, but you are even more stubborn than me. You had a wonderful chance on your drive back to see one of the greatest sights on earth, the Grand Canyon, something every American should see at least once in his life. But for some reason incomprehensible to me you wanted nothing but to bolt for home as quickly as possible, right back to the same situation which you see day after day after day. I fear you will follow this same inclination in the future and thus fail to discover all the wonderful things that God has placed around us to discover.

Don’t settle down and sit in one place. Move around, be nomadic, make each day a new horizon. You are still going to live a long time, Ron, and it would be a shame if you did not take the opportunity to revolutionize your life and move into an entirely new realm of experience.

You are wrong if you think Joy emanates only or principally from human relationships. God has placed it all around us. It is in everything and anything we might experience. We just have to have the courage to turn against our habitual lifestyle and engage in unconventional living.

My point is that you do not need me or anyone else around to bring this new kind of light in your life. It is simply waiting out there for you to grasp it, and all you have to do is reach for it. The only person you are fighting is yourself and your stubbornness to engage in new circumstances.

”

- ― Jon Krakauer, Into the Wild

Waiting....to grow...

Watching city lights from the balcony while contemplating life.

"Some periods of our growth are so confusing that we don’t even recognize that growth is happening. We may feel hostile or angry or weepy and hysterical, or we may feel depressed. It would never occur to us, unless we stumbled on a book or a person who explained to us, that we were in fact in the process of change, of actually becoming larger, spiritually, than we were before. Whenever we grow, we tend to feel it, as a young seed must feel the weight and inertia of the earth as it seeks to break out of its shell on its way to becoming a plant. Often the feeling is anything but pleasant. But what is most unpleasant is the not knowing what is happening. Those long periods when something inside ourselves seems to be waiting, holding its breath, unsure about what the next step should be, eventually become the periods we wait for, for it is in those periods that we realize that we are being prepared for the next phase of our life and that, in all probability, a new level of the personality is about to be revealed.”

- Alice Walker

A longing.

In the depths of my soul, I longed to be a part of something large and good; something that required all of me; something dangerous and worth dying for. 

- John & Stasi Eldredge, Captivating

Insomnia inspired.

Ok. I'm about to embark on a new life adventure. Gonna be taking off Down Under with my boyfriend and bestie. Every girl should be so lucky to have 2 people in her life willing to do this with her.

Honest confession: I'm the terrified one who can't stop wondering about the 'what ifs'. I feel soooo insecure about this. Stop me, please.

I know this is something I've always wanted to experience, or thought I did. To quit a job that was starting to drain me, and do something completely different. To take a road less traveled. To breakaway from my comfort zone. To spread my wings and fly. To experience working and living in a different country.

Oh dear God, please give me peace and help me to trust You that it will all work out according to your perfect plan.

Delicious Ambiguity

“I wanted a perfect ending. Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity.” 
― Gilda Radner

The leap of faith. Jumping into the unknown. Taking chances. Taking risks. Being impulsive. Facing challenges. Carpe Diem.

"Love God and do what you want,"
- St. Augustine

Trust God, and take off on the adventure you've always wanted to take. Know that He is in supreme control. Be impulsive. Be you.

"Better to live impulsively with the love of God than to live immobilized by the fear of making the wrong decision."
- RELEVANT Magazine

'Trying out' relationships

Something that's been sitting in my drafts for 2 years. Will post an update on what I think now soon!

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"If you never try, you'll never know."
"Give it a try, who knows, he could be the one."
"What's the worst that could happen? If it doesn't work out, just break up. You'll learn something from it. It's just an experience in life everyone goes through."


These are all bit of advice given to me over the years, from well meaning friends who don't understand my lack of need for a relationship. Admittedly, I have wondered what it would be like to be in a relationship. To love and be loved. To adore and be adored. To cherish, and be cherished.


And yet, something stops me. Perhaps, its a feeling. Or a tiny little voice in my heart. The impression that perhaps, the time is not now. I'm not ready. I'm too young (incidentally, an excuse I've been using for years).


I'm not that young anymore. Certainly old enough to be in a relationship by anyone's standards. I have friends who got engaged at my age. I know people who were married at my age. And here I am, never having been in a relationship.


What, exactly, is love? What is there to a relationship? How do I know if he is the one for you? How do I know that there isn't someone out there who is better suited for me? How do I know that this is not just a crush or infatuation that will fade soon enough? And also, am I 'the one' for him?


Isn't love supposed to be unconditional? A no-matter-what? But somehow, all my life, I've felt that love is like approval. Something to be won. To be earned. That I need to do all the right things, say the appropriate thing, achieve. And only then, be rewarded with 'love', acceptance, and approval.


Is that how it is supposed to be? Is love something tangible? Something that can be measured, something to live up to? Is it a standard? Does it satisfy? Does it deliver? Is it enough? Is that all there is to it?


1 Corinthians 13. The love chapter. One of the most famous passages in the Bible, quoted by Christians and non-Christians alike. Love is patient, love is kind. Does not envy. Does not boast. Is not easily angered. Is not self-seeking. Does not dishonor others. Does not delight in evil, but rejoices in the truth. Always protects. Always trusts. Always hopes. Always perseveres. And in the beginning of the chapter - if we do not have love, we have nothing.


That's work. Love is a verb. Not merely a feeling. It's not easy. The description of love in 1 Corinthians 13 is unconditional. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.


I feel, that God never intended for us to 'try' in relationships till we find the right one to marry. I believe, that there is only that one guy out there meant to be my life partner. When the time is right, God will bring us together. Perhaps, I have already met him. Perhaps not. Perhaps, he is the one I've been thinking of, dreaming of, and praying for. Perhaps not. Perhaps, he would just be a dream that I would always want to chase.


I've been reading blog posts and stories about some amazing relationship stories. I marvel at how God has written their love stories. How perfectly He has brought it all together. And that, is what I want. That perfect love story in my life. To be able to one day tell my children, if it is His will, that I waited, I trusted, and God provided.


He has perfect timing. He will have a plan for the relationships in my life. I want Him to bless my relationships. To guide them. In His time, He will make two paths become one. And if He doesn't, He will work out a different plan for my life from what I have in mind.